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hazelnut

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Posts posted by hazelnut

    1.39.502 running very slowly

    in CCleaner

    Posted

    Yes you are right peterj, that page does not let you. Sorry :)

     

    Have you tried uninstalling and reinstalling THIS version? Most of us here are on xp and don't have the problem you describe.

     

    Also have you installed any new software lately that may be fighting with CCleaner?

    The comments are better than the pictures.

    in The Lounge

    Posted

    If we are following the theme that comments are better than pictures, this is a letter that won a competition in the UK for best genuine complaint letter of the year.....

     

    Dear Cretins,

    I have been an -- customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for

    your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this

    three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had

    not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity

    of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details,

    so that you can either pursue your professional perogative, and seek to

    rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can

    have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working

    day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:

     

    My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my

    spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your

    technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57

    minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more

    annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful

    website....HOW?

     

    I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes

    - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.

     

    The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later,

    although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -

    such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem

    had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem

    arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.

    I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours

    between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am

    still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my

    mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a

    variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly

    skilled bollock jugglers.

     

    I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone

    will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone

    will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows

    whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off);

    that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an

    answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be

    transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating

    Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.

     

    Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a

    thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of

    those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't

    care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration's

    in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me,

    therefore, if I continue.

     

    I thought ** were *, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god-

    awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more

    disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to

    their customers. That's why I chose ---, and because, well, there isn't

    anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered

    to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless

    shower of b*stards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of

    distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.

     

    @@ - w*nkers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons

    of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless

    inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and

    foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that

    you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for

    the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to

    deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and

    disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused

    rage.

     

    I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my

    cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for

    both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not

    become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the

    time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did

    not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them

    the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless

    employees.

     

    Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you

    irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of tw*ts.

     

    John

     

    --

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