LuLu
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Posts posted by LuLu
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These are stories from help desks around the country.
At 3:37 a.m. on a Sunday, I had just looked at the clock
to determine my annoyance level, when I received a frantic
phone call from a new user of a Macintosh Plus. She
had gotten her entire family out of the house and was
calling from her neighbor's. She had just received her
first system error and interpreted the picture of the
bomb on the screen as a warning that the computer was
going to blow up.
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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open
Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-
up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have
done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I
wrote 'click'." (At this point I had to put the caller
on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what
had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling
when I got back to the call.)
Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"
Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"
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One woman called Dell's toll-free line to ask how to
install the batteries in her laptop. When told that
the directions were on the first page of the manual
the woman replied angrily, "I just paid $2,000 for this
damn thing, and I'm not going to read the book."
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Customer: "I received the software update you sent,
but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get
it to work?"
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Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what
it says."
Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery
disk'."
Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer "No..."
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Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the
screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
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Customer: "Uhh...I need help unpacking my new PC."
Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?"
Customer: "I can't open the box."
Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the
box closed and go from there."
Customer: "Uhhhh...ok, thanks...."
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Customer: "I'm having a problem installing your software.
I've got a fairly old computer, and when I type 'INSTALL',
all it says is 'Bad command or file name'."
Tech Support: "Ok, check the directory of the A: drive-
go to A:> \ and type 'dir'." Customer reads off a
list of file names, including 'INSTALL.EXE'.
Tech Support: "All right, the correct file is there.
Type 'INSTALL' again."
Customer: "Ok." (pause) "Still says 'Bad command or
file name'."
Tech Support: "Hmmm. The file's there in the correct
place-it can't help but do something. Are you sure you're
typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the Enter key?"
Customer: "Yes, let me try it again." (pause) "Nope,
still 'Bad command or file name'."
Tech Support: (now really confused) "Are you sure you're
typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says 'Enter'?"
Customer: "Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck,
so I'm using the 'M' key...does that matter?
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At our company we have asset numbers on the front of
everything. They give the location, name, and everything
else just by scanning the computer's asset barcode or
using the number beneath the bars.
Customer: "Hello. I can't get on the network."
Tech Support: "Ok. Just read me your asset number so
we can open an outage."
Customer: "What is that?"
Tech Support: "That little barcode on the front of your
computer."
Customer: "Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar
. . ."
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And the best for last!!!!
Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this
install disk, and now my A: drive won't work."
Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"
Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk,
it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all."
Tech Support: "Did it not install properly? What kind
of error messages did you get?"
Customer: "I didn't get any error message. The disk
got stuck in the drive and wouldn't come out. So I got
these pliers and tried to get it out. That didn't work
either."
Tech Support: "You did what sir?"
Customer: "I got these pliers, and tried to get the
disk out, but it wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking
the plastic stuff a bit."
Tech Support: "I don't understand sir, did you push
the eject button?"
Customer: "No, so then I got a stick of butter and melted
it and used a turkey baster and put the butter in the
drive, around the disk, and that got it loose. Then
I used the pliers and it came out fine. I can't believe
you would send me a disk that was broke and defective."
Tech Support: "Let me get this clear. You put melted
butter in your A: drive and used pliers to pull the
disk out?" At this point, I put the call on the speaker
phone and motioned at the other techs to listen in.
Tech Support: "Just so I am absolutely clear on this,
can you repeat what you just said?"
Customer: "I said I put butter in my A: drive to get
your crappy disk out, then I had to use pliers to pull
it out."
Tech Support: "Did you push that little button that
was sticking out when the disk was in the drive, you
know, the thing called the disk eject button?" Silence.
Tech Support: "Sir?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject button?"
Customer: "No, but you people are going to fix my computer,
or I am going to sue you for breaking my computer?"
Tech Support: "Let me get this straight. You are going
to sue our> company because you put the disk in the
A: drive, didn't follow the instructions we sent you,
didn't actually seek professional advice, didn't consult
your user's manual on how to use your computer properly,
instead proceeding to pour butter into the drive and
physically rip the disk out?"
Customer: "Ummmm."
Tech Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance,
since we do record every call and have it on tape?"
Customer: (now rather humbled) "But you're supposed
to help!"
Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, but there is nothing
we can do for you. Have a nice day."
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LICENSE TO STEAL
Two Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a cash
machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper
of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front
panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper
off the truck. They panicked and fled, leaving the chain
still attached to the machine, their bumper still attached
to the chain, and their license plate still attached
to the bumper.
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IN THE BAG
A "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in
line at the customs counter. While making idle chatter,
the customs official thought it odd that the golfer
didn't know what a handicap was. The officer then asked
the tourist to demonstrate his swing. He did - backwards.
A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf
bag.
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MADE FOR TV
"Guns For Hire", an Arizona company specializing in
staged gunfights for Western movies, got a call from
a 47-year-old woman who wanted to have her husband shot.
She was sentenced to four years in jail.
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DO YOU ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS?
A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay
$9600 in damages rather than serve a two-year prison
sentence. For payment, he provided the court a forged
check. He got his prison term back, plus eight more
years.
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YOU MEAN ME?
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously
waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot
him.
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DEADHEADS
A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed
for driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that
the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was
driving should be counted. The judged ruled that passengers
must be alive to qualify.
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THIS WOULD BE ME
The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon
Crook. The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell
and called, "Crook, come forward." Five of the prisoners
entered the courtroom.
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LEARN YOUR LESSON
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with
a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The
judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years
for a schoolteacher to appear before this court", he
smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and
write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred
times."
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AHH, THAT'S BETTER!
A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a little
bit too far" in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years
for a man who was convicted of five robberies and a
kidnapping. The judge reduced the sentence to 1,001
years.
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OOPS! I BLEW THAT ONE!
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this
creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm
into the window and removed a few trifling articles.
His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can
punish the whole individual for an offense committed
by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using
your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's
imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he
detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench,
and walked out.
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In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label
instructions on consumer goods:
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
On a child's superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children.
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
On a Swedish chain saw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
On Sears hair dryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: Do not turn upside down. (printed on bottom of the box)
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Mine used to be an adult website, but then my mom saw it when she accidentally clicked on the homepage button.
She wasn't happy. So I changed it to my internet provider's homepage (Road Runner). lol -
I'll go!! I want to get my certification so I can do some real diving down in the Florida Keys. Snokeling is fun, but you can't really get up close and personal with the sea creatures. But I will say this...I don't want to be up close and personal with the shark in that picture. lol
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Did you get your foot sorted lulu, or are you still having problems?
I totally forgot all about this thread. lol
The doc said I did more damage to my ankle/foot than he originally thought and apologized for not doing an MRI sooner. Basically, I have ligaments that are still stitching themselves back together, I have inflamed tissue and deep bruising in a few bones. He said I'm looking at probably another 3 months of recovery time. If I'm still having problems come October, then he's going to go in with the little camera and take a look around to see if there's something the MRI didn't pick up on. So we'll see. Thanks for asking.
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The painkiller they like to give doesn't really do squat for me and they always want to give me a mega dosage, which still doesn't really work all that well so I just tell them to give me the standard dosage and start drilling, hammering, and chomping away, it really doesn't bother me all that much to the point of being like a walk in the park as I easily block out allot of pain that would have many grown men and/or adults in general crying for mommy.
You are hardcore. You remind me of my dad...just suck it up and do what you gotta do, even if it means feeling every bit of what they're doing to you. I don't think I'm brave enough to have another tooth drilled while feeling all of it though. The thought makes me cringe.
Offtopic:I've felt far worse pain like having my wrist broken and almost twisted in a 360 degree angle, actually I've broken the same arm three times. I've had broken legs, sprangs, etc., you name it and I've broken or sprang it including my tailbone from when I used to do freestyle bicycle riding in my youthful stunt filled years (I was a stunt maniac back in the day) which is probably why my body aches nowadays, but I wouldn't have it any other way and it makes one realize how resilient and recoverable the human body really is. Boy those were the fun days, nostalgia.
Ugh that's just too much to go through. lol
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I had a tooth capped or whatever its called. Basically they filled down my very back tooth on the top and then covered it with a porcelain fake one(but the root and everything was still alive and stuff). Anyway it hurt like hell and I would never have it done again.
Getting the tooth filled down wasnt that bad(just tasted bad and took forever) but having the exposed root jammed with a fake tooth on top of it hurt so bad I will never forget it.
One of my friends had that done and sid the exact same thing. I always thought they shot you up with novocaine when they did a cap, but I guess not. I wouldn't go through it either after hearing the horror stories.
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I had more stuff done to my teeth in the past seven years that me and the dentist actually as it's called shoot the s**t and chit chat wherever I go there. I've had two rootcanals done in the past seven years and some other work too. The thing is getting the teeth drilled or whatever really isn't the painful, it's if the dentist hands slip and cut the gums that's a real killer.
My mouth hurts just thinking about that. Luckily that never happened to me (yet...lol). The worst I've had is having my tooth drilled and feeling every bit of it because the novocaine didn't work. He gave me three full shots of it and I STILL wasn't numb.
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I'm such a chicken when it comes to the dentist.
You and me both. I don't mind the cleanings and stuff, but when they come at my teeth with that metal hook thing to pick at my teeth (does this hurt? can you feel this? etc), I start shakin' in my flip flops!
But as for the topic of fillings - I have 4 fillings. Three are the "white" fillings and one is silver (my near-miss root canal tooth). I've had them all for about 10-11 years. Yippee. lol
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Now those are good.
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Not a Potter fan either. Never read the books and never watched any of the movies. I have no problem with adults enjoying kid's books and films, but I just never jumped on the Potter bandwagon.
At work, our shipment of Deathly Hallows came in yesterday. I guess someone on the overnight crew got excited and just couldn't wait till tomorrow. They opened one of the boxes and sifted through one of the books.
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I was actually visited by my beloved grandma also known as the "Victoria" of our familiy
The story isn't much spooky though, more like my grandma wants to protect me when I'm alone
When I was in my bro's room playing good ol' GT2, the door opened up, and then I looked for someone who's playing tricks on me (my neighborhood friend does this a lot), but no one's there. I got back and resumed the game, again the door opened up and closed without seeing a hand holding the door knob, then I knew it was grandma. At first I though she was haunting me but later on I understood her reason. I just played again hiding under the blanket and seeing door open and close, then it stopped. I waited for my bro to return from school and went down and explained everything.
After some months after grandma's death, she "came back" to the house, probably she misses us. Now I know there's someone looking for us, protecting and guiding us.
My guess about ghost is that it is somethin' not meant to be fully understood by physical beings and will only be realized by those who are spirits already.
This is an awesome story. But I will say I think I'd be scared sh*tless if I watched a door open and close with no one around doing it.
What made you realize it was your grandma though? I've heard of spirits leaving "clues" about who they are...a certain smell, or an object they hold dear. Was it something like that? -
You people are nuts.
LOL I knew you'd be the one to say it.
I've never believed in ghosts but I've always thought it would be cool if they were real.
They're more real than you may think. But no one really believes or understands until they have some sort of experience. So it's all good.
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I've had a couple of experiences. Some I'll share, some I won't. You people will probably think I'm bananas anyway. lol
This one isn't so bad, but still freaked me out a little. Quite a few years ago, I used to ALWAYS sleep with socks on my feet. Well, one night, like always, I put my socks on and went to bed. Now, no one would ever come in my room at night because my dog would attack. So I would sleep with my door closed and my dog would sleep in front of the door to make sure no one would come in. Well anyway, I woke up once or twice and my socks were still on like they should be. Then when my alarm went off I woke up and my socks were off and folded neatly on my bed next to the wall (my bed is pushed up against the wall). Now I've never been known to undress in my sleep, and I won't even fold my clothes while I'm awake...lol...so I know I didn't do it. And I know my mom didn't do it and my dad didn't do it. And I highly doubt my dog had figured out how to pull socks off and fold them. So one has to wonder just who decided to take my socks off for me.
Another experience has happend a few times. I've read things about it, saying that the person is still actually asleep while it's happening, but in my experience I don't think that's the case. See, I've had quite a few nights where I have felt someone sitting on edge of my bed. I will lay as still as possible when I feel it, mostly out of of fear I guess. Usually it happens as I'm facing my wall as I lay, and sometimes it will last for what feels like hours. There are times when I can't lay still anymore and will move just to make it all end. As soon as I move, even just the slightest bit, I'll feel the edge of my bed rise like it would if someone were sitting there, and I will get out of bed and go turn on a light or something.
On the same token, quite a few times I've had what feels like someone laying on top of me, and let me tell you, this is what scares me the most. There's times when I can't scream (so that to me means maybe it IS is a dream) and there are times when I *can* scream but don't because I don't know what's going to happen to me if I do. There's times when I can move so I try to force myself up and turn on the lights and leave my room, and there's other times when I can't move at all for a while. Like I said, this situation scares me the most. I normally don't sleep again after this happens. If I do, it's because I have a light on or my TV on or I've gone to camp out in my parent's room.
Y'all probably think I'm nuts now. lol
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Glad you got it figured out. Do you know if they did anything to the person who did all of this? Like ban him from MSN or something?
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hello ppl, i have a question...When I scan with the avast antivirus and it pops up a window saying Trojan found, or virus found,ect. It says recommended action : move to chest.....but it also says delete
I dont know which one is best to click...doesn't Delete erase the trojan or virus found...
What happens if I click Move to chest, is the virus still gonna be there?
Which is the best option?
sorri to be such a noobie, but i keep asking myself those questions
I'm not too familiar with Avast, but I'm guessing your options are like any other virus scan. Move to chest should basically mean that the program will quarantine the virus, removing it from the location and making your computer "clean". Delete would do just that - delete the virus from the computer. I always quarantine my viruses first, just to make sure I'm not screwing with an important file, so you'll probably want to "move to chest".
Also, for added information, check the programs "Help" file. It should give you a more in depth explaination of everything.
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Hey I don't blame you for wanting to put an end to it. That's what I wanted. I ended up closing the accounts that were hacked just to make sure the crap *did* stop. I think once they found out I was wanting to press charges they backed off anyway. Like I said, good luck. I hope you get further than I did.
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I had someone hack 2 of my email accounts (both having fake names on them) and both of my eBay accounts. They messed up A LOT of my stuff. I knew who did it, too, because it was two morons from another message board I frequented...and luckily I was a moderator so I had their IP's at my fingertips. I contacted their internet provider who then told me I had to contact local authorities who in turn told me I had to contact their internet provider. Needless to say, I got no where. But good luck with your situation. It sucks when people don't know how to grow the f*ck up.
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Just a bit of info here
If a statue of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air the person has died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground the person has died on natural causes.
If the horse has all four legs in the air the statue has fallen over.
Hehe this one always gives me a chuckle.
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And you can be funny with being dirty, if you disapprove don't read it.
Seriously. But thank goodness I didn't post some of the other jokes I have.
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But dirty humor is sometimes the best humor. But ok, my bad.
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LOL yeah it's an oldie but goodie. Glad you enjoyed.
She wasn't happy. So I changed it to my internet provider's homepage (Road Runner). lol
Help Desk Horror
in The Lounge
Posted
LOL yeah I remember reading that a looong time ago in an email. I was like OMG how dumb can you be?! lol