Health Questions and Answers

[Humpty]

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

 

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this

true?

 

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't

waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your

heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the

life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

 

 

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

 

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and

corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than

an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.

 

Need grain?

Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy

vegetable).

And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance

of vegetable products.

 

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

 

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,

that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more

of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

 

 

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

 

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to

one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

 

 

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular

exercise program?

 

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No

Pain...Good!

 

 

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

 

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable

oil.

In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be

bad for you?

 

 

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the

middle?

 

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You

should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

 

 

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

 

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the

best feel-good food around!

 

 

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

 

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

 

 

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

 

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

 

 

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had

about food and diets.

 

And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of

arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid

in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body

thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"

[LuLu]

LOL a while back this was posted on a health forum I'm part of. I still laugh when I read it. Thanks for posting it.

[Matt_]

To be lightly taken though. All of the answers can be easily debunked.

[craigathus]

Well Humpty I can't argue with any of that lol.

[Andavari]

Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy

vegetable).

I could see some stupid pothead start eating more chicken, to get the "grass."

[1984]

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