Joke(s)

[Capman]

A lady came home to an empty house, and saw a note from her husband,

addressed to her, lying on the coffee table :

 

 

 

To my dear wife,

 

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you,

with your 54 year old body, can no longer supply.

 

I am very happy with you, I love you very much, and I value you as

a good wife.

 

Therefore after reading this note, I hope that you will not wrongly

interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year

old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.

 

Please don't be perturbed. I shall endeavour to be back home before

midnight.

 

Love, Hubby.

 

 

 

 

 

When the man came home, just before the Witching hour, the house was

empty and the following note addressed to him was waiting on the dining

room table :

 

 

 

To my Dear Husband,

 

I received your note, and I thank you for your honesty.

 

I love you too, but I would like to take this opportunity to remind

you that you are also 54 years old.

 

At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read

this, I will be at the Fiesta Hotel with my tennis coach, Michael who,

like your secretary is also 18 years old.

 

As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of

maths, you will understand that we are in the same situation, but with

one small difference....

 

18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18, so don't expect me

to be back much before teatime tomorrow............

 

Your loving Wifey.

[Capman]

WIFE: I've got a headache

 

HUSBAND: perfect - I was just in the bathroom powdering my d*** with aspirin - you can take it orally or as a suppository - it's up to you

[Capman]

A woman was in a coma, she had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a blanket bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was a small, recognisable movement.

 

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him,"crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."

 

The husband was sceptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flatlined, no pulse, no heart rate.

 

The nurses ran into the room. "What happened?" they cried.

 

The husband said .................

 

 

 

"I'm not sure, maybe she choked"

[zaphirer]

Funny, I guess... but this is a public forum... maybe a little inappropriate >.<

Also, edit your posts -- put them in the same one.

[DjLizard]

In this case, I'd say not to edit the posts... it's easier for me to tell when a joke starts and stops, so I can skim by.