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"Thought of the Day"


mjp28

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  • 4 weeks later...

Do you ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Spelled backward isn't it just _ _ _ _ _?

 

Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

 

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhoea... does that mean that one in five enjoys it?

 

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

 

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

 

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? :huh:

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  • 1 month later...

We all could use a thought or two of the day, well here's a few to think about...........

 

-Clever people master life; the wise illuminate it and create fresh difficulties.

 

-The real trouble with reality is that there?s no background music.

 

-It only takes 20 years for a liberal to become a conservative without changing a single idea.

 

-Going to church doesn?t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

 

-Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

 

-Give a man a match, and he?ll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he?ll be warm for the rest of his life.

 

-War doesn?t determine who?s right. War determines who?s left.

 

-Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

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  • 2 weeks later...
If a bear wore pants he'd still have a bare bum.

 

I like that !!! :lol:

what`s that other saying about does a bear **** in the woods?

 

And yes Hazelnut ! you found me out !!!! I don`t have sat nav or a zoo !!!

 

This is made up too !!!!

 

What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that.

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  • 3 weeks later...

"Most problems in life are often amazingly simple or really complex, you just can't see either!"

 

- anonymous

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15 Reasons why Santa Claus must really be a WOMAN!! :o

 

?15. Santa *remembers* it?s Christmas. ?Nuf said.

?14. Reads children?s letters in office instead of in bathroom.

?13. Never explains what exactly you did to deserve that coal in your stocking; if you have to ask, maybe that?s the problem!

?12. Employs little people in a sweatshop and co-hosts TV talk show, ?Regis and Santa Lee.?

?11. Despite the closet full of red coats with big black belts, *still* insists she has nothing to wear on Christmas Eve.

?10. ?Mrs. Claus? wears work boots, has a crew cut, and drives a ?68 El Camino.

?9. A man simply would not care if you were naughty or nice.

?8. Actually seems to shake like TWO bowls full of jelly.

?7. Bowl full of jelly, my ass. It?s water retention.

?6. Constantly whining about equality until it?s time to clean out the reindeer stalls.

?5. Matching shoes and belt? Only a woman would accessorize a pantsuit like that!

?4. The North Pole Blockbuster?s been out of ?The Horse Whisperer? for weeks.

?3. No guy would ever name his animals Dancer and Prancer.

?2. With the way they build chimneys these days you?d *have* to be Calista friggin? Flockhart just to get in

?1. Santa never, ever observed peeing off of rooftops.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 months later...

I dream of a better tomorrow... where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned

 

**********************

 

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

 

*********************

 

I wanted to become an atheist but I gave it up. They have no holidays.

- Henny Youngman

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Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

 

*********************

 

:lol: That one's a prizewinner.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Well since it's Spring here's a few thoughts about Spring cleaning......and men. I wonder if women think this way about us? :mellow:

 

Do men just play dumb when it comes to cleaning? Is this an obvious attempt to avoid any sort of housework? Maybe it may have something to do with a testosterone brain block or something. Well.....

 

Broom (brum) - a long handled brush used for sweeping (also doubles as a mode of transportation for your mother)

 

Vacuum (vak' u em) - much like the leaf blower except it sucks in, instead of blowing out. Don't let this alarm you. It isn't broken and doesn't need more torque, speed, RAM or whatever it is you did to the dishwasher.

 

Dust pan (DUH) - Contrary to popular belief, this is where you sweep the dirt, not under the hallway area rug.

 

Dust Cloth (dust kloth) - A cloth designated for removing tiny particles of dirt from every flat surface of the house. Hint: look for your old "lucky shirt".

 

Bucket (buk' it)- Cylindric container used for holding soapy water when mopping the floor. Also known as your mid-evil knight helmet when you're playing with our seven-year-old

 

Mop - (mop) a bundle of coarse yarn, rags or cloth fastened at the end of a stick. You'll remember this as your dance partner at the New Year's Eve party last year.

 

Toilet Brush (toi' lit brush) - Used for scrubbing the inside of the toilet bowl. I don't care what this looks like, you may NOT use my shower luffa again!

 

Oven Cleaner (uv' en Klen' er) - No, not the teenager. This is an actually product that you buy, spray in the oven and wipe out two hours later. You won't need your welder's mask for this task, but if it makes you feel more dangerous, go ahead.

 

Sponge (spunj) - used to gently wash away food particles from dinnerware. It won't be necessary to use your 300psi Power wash set. That was given to you in hopes of cleaning the EXTERIOR of the house (hint hint).

 

Squeegee (skwe' je) - Same principle as washing the car windshield, and yes, real men DO squeegee!

 

Final Note:

 

While Duct tape may be a wonderful plumbers aid, it's really not the best solution for keeping the bathroom towels in place, and Jamie's teacher is still asking why his homework was stuck to his forehead last week. For these reasons, I have hidden the duct tape and distributed your picture to the local hardware stores. Don't make me call Duct Tape Anonymous again.

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